I am 51 in a week, and been really feeling the pressure to save up for fillers, and despairing at the bags under my eyes. I read this post this morning and cried.
This is JUST what I needed.
I will create my aging plan this weekend! And I've changed my mind about fillers. Thank you so much.
Age is a privilege denied to many. I am grateful for it. Thank you.
Such a brilliantly written piece and not something I’d thought about myself. But I think it’s an important topic as we live in such a society that bombards us with idealistic beauty standards that are mostly b*****ks!
Mobility becomes paramount. I know I’m a few decades ahead of you but absolutely everything else falls by the wayside. Brisk walks give the mind some space, the lungs some air, and a pick-me-up to the soul. Nonetheless, I wish I had read something like this in my 40s. Well done.
My 72 year old aunt has been with us for the holiday. She’s a beautiful example of having an aging plan. She gets up every morning and does 30 minutes of stretching while listening to NPR. She’s engaged in the world and volunteers at Planned Parenthood.
She loves tennis and board games and does both a few times a week with a group of friends.
She does nothing vanity-wise (like I would not be surprised if she cuts her own hair and washes her face with Irish Spring:) but her curiosity and energy makes her stunning.
Hello! I'm 53 years young and loving my life! I've let me grey hair grow out and honestly, get more compliments on it now than I ever did when I colored it. I'm training for a 5K with some friends and have just finished the editorial process of my first book. My 50's have been awesome!!
You said you're turning 40 soon, right? My advice is to embrace it with open arms!! Life starts to get interesting in your 40's, trust me! So, make those travel plans, take care of your body and mind and nourish your soul.
I like 'aging plan' for a name, but what about 'my beautiful aging journey"? :) xx
Hi! This is beautifully written and I bristled with rage at Idiot Doctor Man.
Whilst I love the spirit of the post, if a plan is centred around ageing, then thoughts of ageing inevitably become a primary concern. Most women are on lifelong, dynamic journeys with their appearance. Things that we hold as either normal or unthinkable at 20 can vary dramatically at 30, 50, 70 and beyond. And even cycle back through again.
I'd encourage a simpler starting point of "What will make me smile at my reflection in the mirror?" That's really the primary goal, I think? And that will alter, over time. Sometimes (on bad days) from hour to hour. Most of what we see in the mirror reflects our inner monologue rather than our appearance. Make friends with that and there will be few 'wrong' choices.
All cosmetic choices, made consciously, are valid. From the choice to get *everything* (subject to affordability and finding a responsible, empathetic practitioner who provides realistic expectations and expert work) or to get nothing at all, and everything in between.
Women shouldn't be made to feel that they have to get work in order to be acknowledged as human beings. No woman should get work to conform to someone's else's opinion of how she should look. But an individual's choice to get conscious, informed work - if (and only if) it'll make you smile at your reflection - is as valid as the choice *not* to get work. There's no moral imperative here.
Thanks so much for a lovely, thought-provoking piece x
I laughed out loud when you called your white eyebrow hair a little f*****. Love this whole post. I had an experience very simlar to this, but with a less happy ending. I do get filler every few years for a terrible facial scar from childhood. I do that because people will comment on it out loud when it's more apparent. When it dissapears, I don't have to think about it because I don't have to talk about it, and it frees up tons of mental space for me. (That's just my decision. I know others might make a different decision that's right for them, including refusing filler entirely). Once, when my lovely dermatologist was out of town, I went to a "medical spa," because I didn't understand exactly what that was, just that they could put some filler in my scar. The woman doing the filler was a monster. She refused to do filler in my scar, put me in front of a mirror and just generally tore down my appearance, point by point, to upsell me Botox, which I did not want and frankly did not need. I told her I was scared of it, and I didn't want to do it, and she continued to verbally lambast me. At the time, my husband (now ex, huzzah) was cheating on me and my confidence was close to zero. I was already feeling terrible, and my self-esteem was in the trash. So finally I caved. I don't whether it was her error with a needle hitting a vein, or if it was expired stuff, or it wasn't diluted properly - but I ended up with a case of iotrogenic botulism. The only reason I knew how to deal wiith it was I found a FB group online of other women who'd been poisoned by Botox or fillers, and they walked me through how to get better. I lost 12 lbs because I was too sick to eat, had painful (and embarassing) muscle spasms in my face, and that's just for starters. It took more than a year to get back to normal, though the poisoning permanently elevated my eye pressure (I searched medical literature and discovered that botulism toxin can, indeed, do this and that it's been documented). Posts like this help people to push back against this kind of emotional/physical abuse, and to build up what I lacked at the time - an emotional immune system and defenses against people that I feel are, frankly, kind of brainwashed. It is about the money, but reading your post, it occurs to me for the first time that it's also a sort of cult??
Love this. I hope you stick with it 💪🏽 The thing is once one or both your parents start getting ill/dying, your friends start getting divorced/going through a mid life crisis and the menopause kicks in your face is the least of your worries. You realise what’s actually important in life and anyone or anything telling you you need to look younger can just do one!
I’m silently raging against that doctor and anyone who would behave in such a way towards you. I understand beauty is important to humans (anthropologically) but we pride ourselves on being so evolved in so many areas, yet we have not yet learned that it really isn’t that important. Anyone looked at what else is going on in the world!?
Your plan is fabulous and I’m going to do one. I thought turning 40 was the beginning of the inner revolution but it’s turned out that 45 has been eye-opening, even to me and I’m in my own head! I look in the mirror and I know I look older (& maybe just old!) but I just can’t move past my anger that we are all under so much pressure. Who are we trying to please?! Those who matter don’t mind and those who mind don’t matter as Dr Seuss so gloriously said.
I’ve started growing out the 20+ years of blonde tips to embrace the ‘ash’ and unicorn (silver) hairs (my word for them). I’m tired of the upkeep and I just don’t like to go to the hairdresser.
I’ve started doing yoga and am so much more flexible and mobile. I can’t wait until someone mentions I’ve ’let myself go’ because my blonde is gone but I bend over and plant my palms flat on the ground because I’m now so flexible!
I’m trying to embrace the deep lines in my forehead and around my eyes. I’m expressive and laugh a lot and they tell so much of my story.
Beautiful and informative piece , I can’t wait to read about your new plan , my name suggestion is The Golden Years 😊 inspired by the ladies I’ve been watching on the American dating show The Golden Bachelor. I really recommend the show , all the ladies are over 60 and are so incredible. It’s like no other reality show I’ve seen before because it’s just so much more authentic , at that age we no longer give a F**** and I look forward to that.
My brain was hurting with that Bella Hadid chart well because I didn’t understand it and maybe I just refuse to make an attempt at getting it. Something did come to my mind though, Bella did say in an interview that she wished she had not gotten a nose job at the age of 14 because she wished she had kept the nose of her ancestors. She did have regrets around it and it’s understandable, our noses are such a distinct part of our faces (they stand out) and they tell a story of where we come from. Holding that history is a special thing. Even thought with my nose , it’s a complicated emotion because I have the nose of our colonizers 😆😭 I am Colombian , and have mixed ancestry, but yeah that’s a topic for a future post of my.
I am saving this article to reference the beautiful journal prompts later , thank you for writing this !!
I love this - thank you for sharing, Anita
I am 51 in a week, and been really feeling the pressure to save up for fillers, and despairing at the bags under my eyes. I read this post this morning and cried.
This is JUST what I needed.
I will create my aging plan this weekend! And I've changed my mind about fillers. Thank you so much.
Age is a privilege denied to many. I am grateful for it. Thank you.
LOVE this ❤️
Such a brilliantly written piece and not something I’d thought about myself. But I think it’s an important topic as we live in such a society that bombards us with idealistic beauty standards that are mostly b*****ks!
Mobility becomes paramount. I know I’m a few decades ahead of you but absolutely everything else falls by the wayside. Brisk walks give the mind some space, the lungs some air, and a pick-me-up to the soul. Nonetheless, I wish I had read something like this in my 40s. Well done.
My 72 year old aunt has been with us for the holiday. She’s a beautiful example of having an aging plan. She gets up every morning and does 30 minutes of stretching while listening to NPR. She’s engaged in the world and volunteers at Planned Parenthood.
She loves tennis and board games and does both a few times a week with a group of friends.
She does nothing vanity-wise (like I would not be surprised if she cuts her own hair and washes her face with Irish Spring:) but her curiosity and energy makes her stunning.
Hello! I'm 53 years young and loving my life! I've let me grey hair grow out and honestly, get more compliments on it now than I ever did when I colored it. I'm training for a 5K with some friends and have just finished the editorial process of my first book. My 50's have been awesome!!
You said you're turning 40 soon, right? My advice is to embrace it with open arms!! Life starts to get interesting in your 40's, trust me! So, make those travel plans, take care of your body and mind and nourish your soul.
I like 'aging plan' for a name, but what about 'my beautiful aging journey"? :) xx
Hi! This is beautifully written and I bristled with rage at Idiot Doctor Man.
Whilst I love the spirit of the post, if a plan is centred around ageing, then thoughts of ageing inevitably become a primary concern. Most women are on lifelong, dynamic journeys with their appearance. Things that we hold as either normal or unthinkable at 20 can vary dramatically at 30, 50, 70 and beyond. And even cycle back through again.
I'd encourage a simpler starting point of "What will make me smile at my reflection in the mirror?" That's really the primary goal, I think? And that will alter, over time. Sometimes (on bad days) from hour to hour. Most of what we see in the mirror reflects our inner monologue rather than our appearance. Make friends with that and there will be few 'wrong' choices.
All cosmetic choices, made consciously, are valid. From the choice to get *everything* (subject to affordability and finding a responsible, empathetic practitioner who provides realistic expectations and expert work) or to get nothing at all, and everything in between.
Women shouldn't be made to feel that they have to get work in order to be acknowledged as human beings. No woman should get work to conform to someone's else's opinion of how she should look. But an individual's choice to get conscious, informed work - if (and only if) it'll make you smile at your reflection - is as valid as the choice *not* to get work. There's no moral imperative here.
Thanks so much for a lovely, thought-provoking piece x
I laughed out loud when you called your white eyebrow hair a little f*****. Love this whole post. I had an experience very simlar to this, but with a less happy ending. I do get filler every few years for a terrible facial scar from childhood. I do that because people will comment on it out loud when it's more apparent. When it dissapears, I don't have to think about it because I don't have to talk about it, and it frees up tons of mental space for me. (That's just my decision. I know others might make a different decision that's right for them, including refusing filler entirely). Once, when my lovely dermatologist was out of town, I went to a "medical spa," because I didn't understand exactly what that was, just that they could put some filler in my scar. The woman doing the filler was a monster. She refused to do filler in my scar, put me in front of a mirror and just generally tore down my appearance, point by point, to upsell me Botox, which I did not want and frankly did not need. I told her I was scared of it, and I didn't want to do it, and she continued to verbally lambast me. At the time, my husband (now ex, huzzah) was cheating on me and my confidence was close to zero. I was already feeling terrible, and my self-esteem was in the trash. So finally I caved. I don't whether it was her error with a needle hitting a vein, or if it was expired stuff, or it wasn't diluted properly - but I ended up with a case of iotrogenic botulism. The only reason I knew how to deal wiith it was I found a FB group online of other women who'd been poisoned by Botox or fillers, and they walked me through how to get better. I lost 12 lbs because I was too sick to eat, had painful (and embarassing) muscle spasms in my face, and that's just for starters. It took more than a year to get back to normal, though the poisoning permanently elevated my eye pressure (I searched medical literature and discovered that botulism toxin can, indeed, do this and that it's been documented). Posts like this help people to push back against this kind of emotional/physical abuse, and to build up what I lacked at the time - an emotional immune system and defenses against people that I feel are, frankly, kind of brainwashed. It is about the money, but reading your post, it occurs to me for the first time that it's also a sort of cult??
Literally have sat down and written my ‘ageing’ plan out thank you totally loved this ❤️
Extraordinary! Ageist beauty standards are misogynistic and harmful to mental health!
Do not give in to it 💐
Love this. I hope you stick with it 💪🏽 The thing is once one or both your parents start getting ill/dying, your friends start getting divorced/going through a mid life crisis and the menopause kicks in your face is the least of your worries. You realise what’s actually important in life and anyone or anything telling you you need to look younger can just do one!
Thank you 🙏
Great read!
Love your aging plan 💕
Loved this post. I think about aging and wellness all the time - thanks for sharing your thoughts on it!
I’m silently raging against that doctor and anyone who would behave in such a way towards you. I understand beauty is important to humans (anthropologically) but we pride ourselves on being so evolved in so many areas, yet we have not yet learned that it really isn’t that important. Anyone looked at what else is going on in the world!?
Your plan is fabulous and I’m going to do one. I thought turning 40 was the beginning of the inner revolution but it’s turned out that 45 has been eye-opening, even to me and I’m in my own head! I look in the mirror and I know I look older (& maybe just old!) but I just can’t move past my anger that we are all under so much pressure. Who are we trying to please?! Those who matter don’t mind and those who mind don’t matter as Dr Seuss so gloriously said.
I’ve started growing out the 20+ years of blonde tips to embrace the ‘ash’ and unicorn (silver) hairs (my word for them). I’m tired of the upkeep and I just don’t like to go to the hairdresser.
I’ve started doing yoga and am so much more flexible and mobile. I can’t wait until someone mentions I’ve ’let myself go’ because my blonde is gone but I bend over and plant my palms flat on the ground because I’m now so flexible!
I’m trying to embrace the deep lines in my forehead and around my eyes. I’m expressive and laugh a lot and they tell so much of my story.
Please follow up with how you go over time!
Beautiful and informative piece , I can’t wait to read about your new plan , my name suggestion is The Golden Years 😊 inspired by the ladies I’ve been watching on the American dating show The Golden Bachelor. I really recommend the show , all the ladies are over 60 and are so incredible. It’s like no other reality show I’ve seen before because it’s just so much more authentic , at that age we no longer give a F**** and I look forward to that.
My brain was hurting with that Bella Hadid chart well because I didn’t understand it and maybe I just refuse to make an attempt at getting it. Something did come to my mind though, Bella did say in an interview that she wished she had not gotten a nose job at the age of 14 because she wished she had kept the nose of her ancestors. She did have regrets around it and it’s understandable, our noses are such a distinct part of our faces (they stand out) and they tell a story of where we come from. Holding that history is a special thing. Even thought with my nose , it’s a complicated emotion because I have the nose of our colonizers 😆😭 I am Colombian , and have mixed ancestry, but yeah that’s a topic for a future post of my.
I am saving this article to reference the beautiful journal prompts later , thank you for writing this !!