Swimming. Swimming in the wild with my friends and in the pool. We are as young as 25 and as old as 82 and after we swim we eat and laugh and recognize how lucky we are to be alive and not living in a war zone.
This is a fabulous post. As someone who decided years ago to forgo needles in favor of facials and unguents (so. Many. Unguents.) the idea of formalizing an aging plan really speaks to me. From face to fashion, aging gracefully and with acceptance has always been the goal. Thank you for this. And congrats for standing up to the doctor who wanted to make you blend into the crowd.
I'm 44, and around my 40 I started applying more serums, being regular with some rituals. Now I daily apply niacinamide, vitC, hyaluron, and some other serums, exchanging them for day and night care. Oh, eyecreams too. Also, I don't leave the house without my spf 30 face fluid. I also use Foreo gadgets - Luna twice daily, Bear daily, UFO when I feel like it. And I drink collagen (20 000 mg). Can I see a difference? Yes, I can. And everyone else can too.
I have great genes, too, but still...
As for grey hairs - genetically I have melanin deficit, and it can be seen in grey hair, in my eyebrows too. I dye them, along with my hair. And I can't wait for the time when I will no longer have to dye my hair, for it to go totally grey.
I am about to turn 70, and if there is one thing I have learned it is that trying to anticipate and preemptively “plan” for life’s twists and turns as a way to control the uncontrollable and to attempt to comfort ourselves is an anxiety producing waste of the precious present moment. We are not our bodies; we are not our thoughts, beliefs, or emotions. We are so far beyond those puny human concerns. You seem as though you are truly exploring what this life is here to show you, and old age is a great time to be seeking meaning. That search beyond the material realm, and an increasing acceptance of and allowing for whatever life presents is true beauty, in my opinion.
I love all the precision here, and in your work in general. I believe that digging in on whose lying about plastic surgery actually helps alleviate a cognitive dissonance with have, culturally. These are our role models and so when we put olive oil on our face, smell like salad at night and then wake up as wrinkled as ever, it can feel a kind of gaslighty. I ABSOLUTELY have an aging plan. When I started showing signs of aging that wouldn’t be paved over with milliion dollar creams, I had this EXTRAORDINARY, JAW-DROPPING experience, I felt shame for aging. I wanted to hide my neck, hide this experience that was happening because there was no value, no, wait, not only was there no value for the experience of getting older and all the GREAT AND TREMENDOUS SHIT that entails, there is a horror, a dread (especially in women) and so we age in little prisons in our head which makes us frail and wears down our capacity to understand what our values are, what really matters (i was a trad hottie and the perks were so showy and consistent! It was a hard fall.). Spiritual teacher Richard Rudd talks about the difference between and inner compromise and an outer one. An inner one is doing something that feels deeply wrong to your inner self, and that knowingness is felt in the body. An outer one is one that you do consciously, like your partner wants Chinese food and you want MExican. You opt for Chinese. No value lines crossed, sense of personal integrity in tact. My first rule of my aging plan or as I call it after Esther Hick’s awesome mantra “ happy, healthy, happy, healthy, happy healthy - dead.” The first rule is that I don’t do anything that feels like an inner compromise, something I wopuldn’t advocate for my kids or grandkids anything I don’t feel proud of or anything I don’t think is good for the future of the world or the people on it. In that vein, hiding aging willfully and being dishonest about is out. I wear make up, and tend to my skin but when people comment with shock about me being a grandparent (46, lucky young mum and young grandmum) I Share with them my process, the make up I wear and my own unwillingness to be part of a pathologically adolescent society! Which leads me to my favorite part of the aging plan: TO BE A FUCKING ADULT. In a world of lost teens, I want to be a grown up, and, eventually, an elder. Bill Plotkins talks beautifully about our pathological adolescence (ie. taking a filtered image of oneself to a surgeon and saying make me Barbie me plz) and I currently don’t have any inspiring stories of people aging openly, meaningfully and with purpose and with awareness of how the focus on outer superficiality SLAUGHTERS OUR ABILITY TO DO GOOD WORK. It drains our resources and makes us perpetually small. So, when I feel wrinkly or splotchy or my ass ain’t as tight and juicy as it once was I think of this goal, to be a whole person, to experience the full ride, to model it, to lean into it, to learn to revel in the rpocess, to reclaim this space, for me, for my kids, for all of us.
I am very late to the party, but as a 74-year-old, here's my two bits: You are missing a totally crucial element, namely exercise. To be honest, if I could go back and change anything - if I'd had the foresight to realize what hindsight might reveal - I would have got myself more fit and stayed fit. I am not talking weight here - being somewhat overweight is apparently good as you age - but muscular strength and cardiovascular endurance. I have been fit at various stages of my life - esp. in my thirties and in my fifties - but I let things lapse in between. All of a sudden, in my sixties, I had to TEACH myself how to get up and down from the floor - and believe me, it's still not a pretty picture. Stairs are a problem (although the fact that I have mushed both knees twice doesn't help), walking distances isn't great, carrying weight things (think kitty litter bags)is a struggle...just sayin'. If you don't use it, you lose it. And mobility is pretty attractive!
I really enjoy your writing style, and I even bought your book *Ugly*! I'm turning 55 in a few days, and feel lots of ways about that. I love your idea of making a plan and putting it in a document—I’m definitely going to steal that! I’ve already been doing things that some people frown upon, like not dyeing my hair for the past five years, despite all the unsolicited comments. And I’ve been dressing how I want, rather than how women my age are 'supposed' to dress."
I’m sorry you’ve suffered such disparagement at the hands of people who presented as medical professionals. A number of specialties and backgrounds vie for a piece of the aesthetic pie, with differing levels of training and certification. As a former plastic surgeon from the US, I was taught never to offer what wasn’t asked. One could consider that basic manners, in addition to a tenet of medical ethics.
I appreciate your nuanced and pragmatic approach to aging well, and am happy to have discovered your writing here. Looking forward to catching up on what I’ve been missing:)
Ohmygoodness, the way the internet loses its mind over someone in their 50s - 70s who looks much younger than that MADDENS me. I've long resented the weird obsession with youth. Thanks for speaking out against it.
I LOVED this article so much, I CANNOT stop thinking about it. It made me want to hug you - I’m a hugger, it was just my instinctive response - GOD I LOVE THIS ARTICLE!!!! And I love the idea of an actual sit-down-and-properly-think-about-it ageing plan. It just makes so much sense. Thanks so much for sharing yours!
I loved this article. I’m lucky my other half is indeed way older than me, which for me works as a permanent youth fountain. In my fifties I will still be significantly younger and I will rejoice with it.
The only “ageing plan” I have (approaching my forties too) is to tone up and brighten up. Both are related to a constant, pleasant mix of Pilates and yoga. And both are for a purpose: I want to keep my body strong to be able to continue mountaineering.
I admit I love some of the products of these “anti age” outlets (especially the smoothies by Lanserhof and their supplements), but I don’t use them for a look at the mirror, actually.
I’m 67. No money for tweakments but they aren’t part of my plan anyway. Resisting the ageing process is futile and exhausting. I think it shows in a face when a woman, or man, are going all out to stave off the effects of time - and not in a good way. There is always a sense of discontent and some desperation behind and held in the mask. Taking care of everything gently feels like a good plan to me being pleased with what is and loving it, caring for it, is the way. Hair dye had to stop as a result of illness and I was absolutely delighted with the iron grey. It suits the rest of my colouring now, and as you say, it’s earned. Who knew it could feel/look so good. Thank you for writing this piece, I so enjoyed what you have to say. I set my face to the wind of change and it feels great.♥️
Dear Anita, first of all, I am sorry about this experience and the unpleasant, unhelpful and narrow-minded gaze of a male professional that was more to do with his own 'professional' vanity than your facial features. Over the last decade and in big part thanks to social media, unwelcome opinions seem to have been normalised - people often them to strangers, without asking whether there was a need for their opinion to be voiced to a complete stranger. Having said that, as beauty journalists we both know that the evolution of beauty industry has less and less to do with individuality and confidence and more and more to do with eroding women's confidence and making sure we start 'tweaking' with our faces and bodies in our 20s. Time to push back with our voices, knowledge and might against this?
Thank you! I like your question prompts, and I'm writing a post in response to this one, though I can't help but come at the plan from a different angle given my age and lifestyle/career.
I'm a couple of years younger than you but I have quite a lot of grey, right in my parting. I like keeping it black for now but I have dreams of bright purple in the future!
Personally, I think most of what you said amounts to a Life Plan, at least that's how I read it 😊
Swimming. Swimming in the wild with my friends and in the pool. We are as young as 25 and as old as 82 and after we swim we eat and laugh and recognize how lucky we are to be alive and not living in a war zone.
This is a fabulous post. As someone who decided years ago to forgo needles in favor of facials and unguents (so. Many. Unguents.) the idea of formalizing an aging plan really speaks to me. From face to fashion, aging gracefully and with acceptance has always been the goal. Thank you for this. And congrats for standing up to the doctor who wanted to make you blend into the crowd.
Thank you for this. Finally, some common sense instead of all the aggressive 'do this, don't do that' social media content out there!
I'm 44, and around my 40 I started applying more serums, being regular with some rituals. Now I daily apply niacinamide, vitC, hyaluron, and some other serums, exchanging them for day and night care. Oh, eyecreams too. Also, I don't leave the house without my spf 30 face fluid. I also use Foreo gadgets - Luna twice daily, Bear daily, UFO when I feel like it. And I drink collagen (20 000 mg). Can I see a difference? Yes, I can. And everyone else can too.
I have great genes, too, but still...
As for grey hairs - genetically I have melanin deficit, and it can be seen in grey hair, in my eyebrows too. I dye them, along with my hair. And I can't wait for the time when I will no longer have to dye my hair, for it to go totally grey.
I am about to turn 70, and if there is one thing I have learned it is that trying to anticipate and preemptively “plan” for life’s twists and turns as a way to control the uncontrollable and to attempt to comfort ourselves is an anxiety producing waste of the precious present moment. We are not our bodies; we are not our thoughts, beliefs, or emotions. We are so far beyond those puny human concerns. You seem as though you are truly exploring what this life is here to show you, and old age is a great time to be seeking meaning. That search beyond the material realm, and an increasing acceptance of and allowing for whatever life presents is true beauty, in my opinion.
I love all the precision here, and in your work in general. I believe that digging in on whose lying about plastic surgery actually helps alleviate a cognitive dissonance with have, culturally. These are our role models and so when we put olive oil on our face, smell like salad at night and then wake up as wrinkled as ever, it can feel a kind of gaslighty. I ABSOLUTELY have an aging plan. When I started showing signs of aging that wouldn’t be paved over with milliion dollar creams, I had this EXTRAORDINARY, JAW-DROPPING experience, I felt shame for aging. I wanted to hide my neck, hide this experience that was happening because there was no value, no, wait, not only was there no value for the experience of getting older and all the GREAT AND TREMENDOUS SHIT that entails, there is a horror, a dread (especially in women) and so we age in little prisons in our head which makes us frail and wears down our capacity to understand what our values are, what really matters (i was a trad hottie and the perks were so showy and consistent! It was a hard fall.). Spiritual teacher Richard Rudd talks about the difference between and inner compromise and an outer one. An inner one is doing something that feels deeply wrong to your inner self, and that knowingness is felt in the body. An outer one is one that you do consciously, like your partner wants Chinese food and you want MExican. You opt for Chinese. No value lines crossed, sense of personal integrity in tact. My first rule of my aging plan or as I call it after Esther Hick’s awesome mantra “ happy, healthy, happy, healthy, happy healthy - dead.” The first rule is that I don’t do anything that feels like an inner compromise, something I wopuldn’t advocate for my kids or grandkids anything I don’t feel proud of or anything I don’t think is good for the future of the world or the people on it. In that vein, hiding aging willfully and being dishonest about is out. I wear make up, and tend to my skin but when people comment with shock about me being a grandparent (46, lucky young mum and young grandmum) I Share with them my process, the make up I wear and my own unwillingness to be part of a pathologically adolescent society! Which leads me to my favorite part of the aging plan: TO BE A FUCKING ADULT. In a world of lost teens, I want to be a grown up, and, eventually, an elder. Bill Plotkins talks beautifully about our pathological adolescence (ie. taking a filtered image of oneself to a surgeon and saying make me Barbie me plz) and I currently don’t have any inspiring stories of people aging openly, meaningfully and with purpose and with awareness of how the focus on outer superficiality SLAUGHTERS OUR ABILITY TO DO GOOD WORK. It drains our resources and makes us perpetually small. So, when I feel wrinkly or splotchy or my ass ain’t as tight and juicy as it once was I think of this goal, to be a whole person, to experience the full ride, to model it, to lean into it, to learn to revel in the rpocess, to reclaim this space, for me, for my kids, for all of us.
I am very late to the party, but as a 74-year-old, here's my two bits: You are missing a totally crucial element, namely exercise. To be honest, if I could go back and change anything - if I'd had the foresight to realize what hindsight might reveal - I would have got myself more fit and stayed fit. I am not talking weight here - being somewhat overweight is apparently good as you age - but muscular strength and cardiovascular endurance. I have been fit at various stages of my life - esp. in my thirties and in my fifties - but I let things lapse in between. All of a sudden, in my sixties, I had to TEACH myself how to get up and down from the floor - and believe me, it's still not a pretty picture. Stairs are a problem (although the fact that I have mushed both knees twice doesn't help), walking distances isn't great, carrying weight things (think kitty litter bags)is a struggle...just sayin'. If you don't use it, you lose it. And mobility is pretty attractive!
I really enjoy your writing style, and I even bought your book *Ugly*! I'm turning 55 in a few days, and feel lots of ways about that. I love your idea of making a plan and putting it in a document—I’m definitely going to steal that! I’ve already been doing things that some people frown upon, like not dyeing my hair for the past five years, despite all the unsolicited comments. And I’ve been dressing how I want, rather than how women my age are 'supposed' to dress."
Thanks for the fun and enlightening read.
That's so kind and thank you so much for buying UGLY too! (If you get a second a review on Amazon or wherever you bought it would be so helpful!)
And I love that you're going to make your own plan! If you're comfortable post some of what's on yours - it might be inspiring to others xx
I’m sorry you’ve suffered such disparagement at the hands of people who presented as medical professionals. A number of specialties and backgrounds vie for a piece of the aesthetic pie, with differing levels of training and certification. As a former plastic surgeon from the US, I was taught never to offer what wasn’t asked. One could consider that basic manners, in addition to a tenet of medical ethics.
I appreciate your nuanced and pragmatic approach to aging well, and am happy to have discovered your writing here. Looking forward to catching up on what I’ve been missing:)
Ohmygoodness, the way the internet loses its mind over someone in their 50s - 70s who looks much younger than that MADDENS me. I've long resented the weird obsession with youth. Thanks for speaking out against it.
I LOVED this article so much, I CANNOT stop thinking about it. It made me want to hug you - I’m a hugger, it was just my instinctive response - GOD I LOVE THIS ARTICLE!!!! And I love the idea of an actual sit-down-and-properly-think-about-it ageing plan. It just makes so much sense. Thanks so much for sharing yours!
I loved this article. I’m lucky my other half is indeed way older than me, which for me works as a permanent youth fountain. In my fifties I will still be significantly younger and I will rejoice with it.
The only “ageing plan” I have (approaching my forties too) is to tone up and brighten up. Both are related to a constant, pleasant mix of Pilates and yoga. And both are for a purpose: I want to keep my body strong to be able to continue mountaineering.
I admit I love some of the products of these “anti age” outlets (especially the smoothies by Lanserhof and their supplements), but I don’t use them for a look at the mirror, actually.
I’m 67. No money for tweakments but they aren’t part of my plan anyway. Resisting the ageing process is futile and exhausting. I think it shows in a face when a woman, or man, are going all out to stave off the effects of time - and not in a good way. There is always a sense of discontent and some desperation behind and held in the mask. Taking care of everything gently feels like a good plan to me being pleased with what is and loving it, caring for it, is the way. Hair dye had to stop as a result of illness and I was absolutely delighted with the iron grey. It suits the rest of my colouring now, and as you say, it’s earned. Who knew it could feel/look so good. Thank you for writing this piece, I so enjoyed what you have to say. I set my face to the wind of change and it feels great.♥️
Dear Anita, first of all, I am sorry about this experience and the unpleasant, unhelpful and narrow-minded gaze of a male professional that was more to do with his own 'professional' vanity than your facial features. Over the last decade and in big part thanks to social media, unwelcome opinions seem to have been normalised - people often them to strangers, without asking whether there was a need for their opinion to be voiced to a complete stranger. Having said that, as beauty journalists we both know that the evolution of beauty industry has less and less to do with individuality and confidence and more and more to do with eroding women's confidence and making sure we start 'tweaking' with our faces and bodies in our 20s. Time to push back with our voices, knowledge and might against this?
Thank you! I like your question prompts, and I'm writing a post in response to this one, though I can't help but come at the plan from a different angle given my age and lifestyle/career.
I'm a couple of years younger than you but I have quite a lot of grey, right in my parting. I like keeping it black for now but I have dreams of bright purple in the future!
Personally, I think most of what you said amounts to a Life Plan, at least that's how I read it 😊