I completely agree with you, anything that gives a woman any aesthetic quirkiness or uniqueness is being eradicated by this standardisation of desirability. And this - 'only fans creators trying to monetise the sexual male gaze as empowering.' - is a problem. Feminism has become synonymous with women treating themselves as men would, but because it's self imposed it's empowering. No, we're just doing the subjugation for them.
And, since you raise it, let's talk about Madonna. Does she really believe, that, after breaking barriers and taking on the music industry on her own terms, that the most she has to offer the world now, is an ever slipping grasp on the fallacy that she is wrinkle free and still has a firm arse?
And, l(ast one I promise), I can offer you my position botox at 58, which is that my determination not to get botox is holding steadfast, but the onslaught is real and I realise I will be the wrinkliest one at the table.
It's such a tricky one with Madonna - I think she's probably under a huge amount of pressure compared to male performers her age who are allowed to age more naturally. I wonder oif she might feel like she needs to look like that in order to still perform etc.
I think Madonna has spoken out and admitted she is ultimately a victim of the unattainable standards set by the industry she works in and the patriarchy. I just find it sad and almost disappointing (although that might not be fair) as I always looked up to Madonna as someone who breaks the mould and sets her own standards.
Madonna disappointed me in her fall from 'Grace' in choosing to accept unreal synthetic beauty standards. A lot of her 'followers' sadly abuse themselves physically in an attempt to model their faces and gender after hers...
And here she is...
Abusing herself her FACE most of all to the EXTREME...
Which seems the total antithesis of her huge part of 'express yourself image'!
Male performers aren't "allowed to age naturally". They are just as much commodities as female celebrities. Kenny Rogers stands out, with lifts and tucks and fat suction; Michael Jackson certainly fits here too. There's the ridiculous focus on popping abs as proof of manhood; the fake super white smiles, and dyed hair implants. It's the industry, though. Get away from it, out into some of those fly over zones, and people actually look like individual humans again.
I've had lip filler a few times, and am considering it again, after a hiatus of too many years, due to having to prioritize my spending. That's not the case now, but finding someone as skilled as my last tech (who moved outta state) is the daunting challenge.
It's just personal preference. My lips are very thin these days, and have been for some years. It's not a big deal, I just look better when they're a bit fuller. I do it or me.
I think of doing it FOR myself hon… not “to” myself. Everything we do, including watching our weight, eating healthy, buying new lipstick or mascara, is what we do For Ourselves.
It’s okay if you can’t relate. There’s no law that says ya have to. :~)
It's kind of interesting; I remember as a young girl in the '70s that the "ideal" was tall, thin, tan, blue-eyed and blonde - like Farrah Fawcett or Christie Brinkley. As a short, curvy, pale, freckly redhead I knew I would never attain that beauty. However, by the '90s I noticed that the standard of beauty had become much broader and more inclusive - the '90s supermodels were much more diverse in appearance, from Linda Evangelista to Kate Moss to Naomi Campbell to Karen Elson, although the body standards were still bizarrely unrealistic. But nowadays it seems like we are back to everyone wanting to look exactly the same, only this time it's not even a real person who is the ideal - it's an Instagram filter that is now the beauty standard.
At 46 I am feeling it too! I enjoyed the holidays with women my age and one 20+ years my senior with perfectly smooth and weirdly shiny foreheads ( why are they shiny) and realized I was the odd one out. How odd it must be for them to see a full and honest facial expression.
I feel this too. I’m 37 and have never had anything done but there’s so much pressure to “look young” and part of me just wants to age naturally and part of me would love to be told in a decade that I “look good for my age” 🙈🙄 but is that only achieved via these extreme measures? Thanks for sharing. 🫶🏻🤩
I’d love to see the rise of body positive influencers again AND real faces! People who are “brave” enough to have fine lines and even full blown wrinkles and not get work done. My Grammy has always been beautiful and even at 88 she gets told how young she looks for her age etc and she really does! She never did anything to her face her whole life and barely even used anything harsher than water on her face. 🤔🤷🏻♀️
Yes. But again, the underlying standard is still "You look young" which is why we've gotten to this place. Because age is no longer respected or valued.
No, there’s no respect for old people in general, which is sad.
Faces can be appreciated at any stage as they age. Yes, young people are beautiful but we’ve all been in our 20s and crippled with insecurities. Young people don’t know how beautiful they are, sadly.
So many people in their 70s and 80s are still sharp, intelligent, and full of life. Yet I’ve heard people talk down to them as if they are toddlers sometimes! 🙈
These messages are everywhere aren't they. One part of my brain rails against them, and the other also really wants to be told I look younger than the number of years I have spent on the planet Aghhh!!!!!
My Grandma is my example, too! I'm 53, and get told often that I look so much younger. There's a balance of wanting to be 'real', and wanting to look young. I do not plan to have any surgical help, so will have to keep channeling how beautiful my grandma was, with her soft, laughing face, the peach fuzz that made her cheeks soft, and her acceptance of an aging face and body.
A woman I'm acquainted with had a facelift and lip injections, and it is SO obvious...seeing her is a grim reminder to be content with my own individuality!
As an aside, I'm following the protocol to combat a double chin that another Substacker introduced to me: wearing a rubber nightguard to create space between my molars.
I'm in my mid-70's. Some mistake me for being in my mid-50's. Maybe it's my carriage, maybe it's attitude, maybe it's my healthy sense of Self that glows thru to the outside~ but I can tell ya one thing, I'm grateful to be emotionally and psychologically whole and in a good place with myself, and perhaps that's what keeps us somewhat youthful and vibrant, rather than a doctor's needle or knife.
I have recently had Botox for migraine and I was mostly just glad that I can still raise my eyebrows! Obviously a different thing as it's injected all round the head.
I do find myself comparing myself to these weird homogenous faces but luckily(?) I'm too poor to even consider any filler etc.
I first heard about botox when I worked in hospitals and a doctor was excitedly telling us about this new treatment for migraines, and then as an afterthought said that people were starting to inject it (botulism) into their faces to freeze them as an anti aging measure. How we laughed at such stupidity!
This is such a good, and depressing read. I am a journalist and broadcaster and will never have what are repulsively called "tweakments". But when I see myself on screen I am depressed because I look "old" compared to peers who have regular Botox. I am 59. I agree NOT having work is a feminist act. Well done and thank you.
Thanks Rosie. It's so hard and I feel like it becomes more and more normalised with each generation. And maybe that's ok, but I am scared for the future and what we'll end up looking like and feeling about our appearance.
I'm 60. I don't like looking 60, which I do, even though I'm also fit and capable. But I can't imagine getting to the point where I think it would be a normal thing for me to do, to have aesthetic surgery or injections. When you say "it becomes more normalised," that's a passive-voice construction: Who is normalizing it? Who can normalize it for a given person, such as you or me? It's not normal, and that's a fact. Surgery is risky and doesn't change a person's age. Nothing prevents aging except dying.
Completely agree! I’m 55 and won’t go near this stuff! I actually love myself the way I am. Even if others might not. I hope others love themselves the way they are too. None of this seems “normal “ to me regardless of how many people do it.
i work in film and tv (i’m an actor) and i understand what you mean exactly. but i do find that faces that show age on them are more compelling to watch. i hope to offer myself the same kindness.
Yes, not wanting to do anything, but quickly feeling like *I'm* the unnatural looking one among my peers for not tweaking my appearance. Feeling left behind but also not wanting to keep up. It's a weird middle ground.
Please don't feel "left behind". I think the ones losing their individuality are the ones who are strange and left behind for not being able to show their full range of emotions and expressions.
Yeah but early Botox just makes people look older sooner because their facial muscles atrophy. I saw this interesting study of twins where the twin who didn’t get Botox had more creases but her sisters face looked flat/less youthfully full. I preferred the face that had more line but also more shape, tbh.
While I was never on TV, I think the screens are a big part of this. Once meetings switched to zoom instead of in person and I spent several hours a day staring at myself in the little zoom box and comparing myself to other women in their little zoom boxes suddenly my pesky ‘11’ lines mushroomed into an obsession. I realized the vast majority of the professional women I knew were having botox, and so gave in and did it too. It honestly took no longer having to be on zoom meetings to find peace with my appearance.
I’m 58 and Dysport is my friend. I have horrible “11’s” between my eyes which make me look angry all of the time…I HATE waking up happy and looking angry! I’ve had this issue for over 25 years, and Botox and dysport have helped tame the angry beast. Otherwise, I’m w you 💯. My grandmother was the most beautiful woman I ever knew…and she aged gracefully and naturally. I hope to follow in her footsteps 💗. Helpful hint…she told me that as I age I should put on a few pounds, “it helps with the wrinkles 🤣.
I can relate, I have a YouTube channel at 46, have always refused to put anything in my face, and honestly wonder if my channel will suffer for it. That being said I think you and I will have the last laugh 20 years from now when we look elegantly aged and the others may look ….odd.
Even before Lindsay, Christina, Ariana et al we had the Kardashian’s/Joyce Wildenstein/Leslie Ash. I do feel very sorry for women in the public eye, as I feel that 99.9% of them have made a extreme pact with the devil to preserve their youthful vanity exactly like The Picture of Dorian Gray.
It’s only the odd Judi Dench/Maggie Smith who bypass this pact unfortunately.
It’s when this pact is extreme and when it’s very young kids, outside of the public eye, who believe this level of extreme vanity is the norm that it’s an issue.
I like to think at my age, like so many “grown adults” that whilst we are mesmerised by these extreme transformations, we know that we would never consider this sort of extreme vanity pact. Plus in the middle of a cost of living crisis we don’t have the financial means also lol!
Ah how old are you if you don't mind me asking? I think as each generation comes along this becomes so much more normal - like buying a new face cream or something!
Old enough to remember when Madonna was a music icon, and I really wish she (as well as Mariah & Riri…..) put out more music. I certainly don’t mind whatever she wants to do with her face, but the lack of new music bothers me more lol.
And whilst it might seem more normal for this generation, we’ve always had celebs who’ve had extreme plastic surgery - I recall Cher talking about her plastic surgery decades ago.
I think it’s the “jump the shark” moment when it’s non-celebrities - especially young people under 30 - who think such extreme surgery is perfectly normal, that it’s a issue.
And let's not forget about the bizarre and cruel Adrenachrome horseshit celebs are engaging in. Anyone who can even imagine doing that harm to a child should face a firing squad, in my opinion.
Such a good article. It’s so true everything you said. Seems like we go a few steps forward and then several steps back. So many faces are losing their individual character and beauty. I’m not in the public eye and so can’t claim to understand the pressure- but when I see ordinary people - younger and younger changing their looks - it makes me incredibly sad.
Even everyone’s excessive makeup and hair seems to be getting more uniform.
I’m always confused why so many don’t appreciate being unique. But then again - I will always side on the side of doing what one pleases. Just because I don’t like looking like the next person doesn’t mean I am right.
This is brilliant Anita. The whole issue really vexes me and I’m never sure how to approach it or write about it because there’s a huge defensiveness around “having work done” and it being normalised. I feel quite strongly about the fact I want my face just to mature as a natural progression but often wonder whether I’m just being stubborn and not moving with the times.
Yeah I really struggle with this, esp in our industries. But I think for me I'd like to hold off until 45 and then i'll see how i'm doing and will check in on that pact. But I can't lie that I do look in the mirror and struggle a little with my changing face - in a way I wish I really didn't!
Oh my goodness! I think we need to embrace who we are and how we age naturally and see our own beauty. The Brits are way ahead of us with this. The stars of their "tv" shows and movies tend to have a wide range of ages and looks. They don't seem to be as stuck in some fantasy of what constitutes physical beauty. They seem to emphasize the inner person, not some immobile plastic doll.
Completely Ruth. I feel like I am walking on eggshells, even with my closest friends. I want to say 'sure, it's your choice and whatever makes you happy' but I don't believe it is. As this powerful article suggests, we must question where these 'ideals' and 'beauty standards' have come from.
What a wonderful article Anita….👏🏻 I’m 57 with zero work done and am becoming increasingly saddened when I see pictures of myself…I call it my ‘melty face’. Then I tell myself to STFU…..my friends and family love me for who I am, not who I was. I also smile at strangers (so I don’t look like miserable old melty face) and give thanks for being healthy and alive. I also keep reminding myself that cool clothes, good teeth and a great haircut will see me through….
Any changes we see in ourselves can be tough, but maybe you could switch melty face for something else? Like your wise face or something? Or try to focus on the stuff you enjoy like you said xx
It's definitely a challenge as we age (I'm 58, no scalpel, thanks) to adjust our self-image, self-talk, and self-worth. To reconcile what we see in the mirror with good light to what we 'see' in our minds. I'm so grateful to be here and healthy...yet can't make my peace with the bit of jowliness or wattle. Step by step I guess.
Just had a new passport photo taken at the age of 62…. It definitely has no filters and the melty face is real but hey,it’s me, so there you go. I believe that people should have total autonomy when it comes to their faces/bodies but don’t have the inclination to alter what nature gave me and continues to change as I get older.
Such a good, informative and insightful piece. I’ve often wondered whether the mass uptake of injectables and ‘tweakments’ Will lead to the ‘naturally aged’ or ‘real features’ faces becoming a rare and therefore precious or coveted look in the future, OR if the opposite will happen, and ppl (women) who have any element of personality and aging to their faces will be seen as hideous and disfigured. Too soon to tell I guess
All of this Anita, such a good article, hard to stand fast against this homogenisation and also normalisation of all of these surgical interventions. I have had plastic surgery to reconstruct a breast after cancer and it was a huge positive intervention for my recovery and body confidence after cancer treatment, however I am so conflicted about the sliding scale of plastics interventions. Bravo for the thoughtful insights and bravery of this piece. 🙌🏽
Ah thanks so much Saloni! Plastic surgery can be amazing, but agree that it's become so normalised in a really extreme way, without thinking about the risks etc.
Many greats points in here re: the dilemma of whether aesthetic “tweakments” are an empowering choice for women, or patriarchy doing a number on us all. I particularly agree with the homogenising effect these treatments / surgeries create, where everyone begins to look the same. But I’ve had botox before, so I get it. It’s such a tough one, but I do believe this face-morphing phenomena is just as damaging as 90’s “size zero skinny culture”, no matter how we try to twist it.
Great article and very timely as I have been wrestling with my own witnessing and judgement of this phenomenon. I will say that I more think trad-wife - Only Fans are more opposites on the modern feminist continuum..then both collateral of Far Right. Normalizing and celebrating sex work as feminist has always been predominantly a Left wing ideology. I also feel that this new beauty standard paradigm spans all of society to both ends of the spectrum and is more a class issue then a political one.
Interesting thoughts! The sex work stuff is very complicated - so many people do it out of desperation/are in danger and then some actively choose to do it, so it's hard to know where to stand with it all. xx
There is also the fact that there are now generations who have never known life before the smartphone. These kids have been brought up with screens. They have grown up with mothers who have expressionless faces - have Botox, sure, but maybe not when your kid is a baby and learning emotions from your expression? Already the generation whose teenage years collided with the smartphone becoming commonplace has the highest level of anxiety of any generation before it. Increasingly, movies have CGI or feature videogame-like violence. Put all of this together and who knows what the outcome will be but I don’t think it’s going to end well.
“Empowerment”? Hahahaha
😆
I completely agree with you, anything that gives a woman any aesthetic quirkiness or uniqueness is being eradicated by this standardisation of desirability. And this - 'only fans creators trying to monetise the sexual male gaze as empowering.' - is a problem. Feminism has become synonymous with women treating themselves as men would, but because it's self imposed it's empowering. No, we're just doing the subjugation for them.
And, since you raise it, let's talk about Madonna. Does she really believe, that, after breaking barriers and taking on the music industry on her own terms, that the most she has to offer the world now, is an ever slipping grasp on the fallacy that she is wrinkle free and still has a firm arse?
And, l(ast one I promise), I can offer you my position botox at 58, which is that my determination not to get botox is holding steadfast, but the onslaught is real and I realise I will be the wrinkliest one at the table.
It's such a tricky one with Madonna - I think she's probably under a huge amount of pressure compared to male performers her age who are allowed to age more naturally. I wonder oif she might feel like she needs to look like that in order to still perform etc.
I think Madonna has spoken out and admitted she is ultimately a victim of the unattainable standards set by the industry she works in and the patriarchy. I just find it sad and almost disappointing (although that might not be fair) as I always looked up to Madonna as someone who breaks the mould and sets her own standards.
Don't think straight men are Madonna's target audience.
But do you think Madonna is youthful appearing?
Agree...
Madonna disappointed me in her fall from 'Grace' in choosing to accept unreal synthetic beauty standards. A lot of her 'followers' sadly abuse themselves physically in an attempt to model their faces and gender after hers...
And here she is...
Abusing herself her FACE most of all to the EXTREME...
Which seems the total antithesis of her huge part of 'express yourself image'!
Male performers aren't "allowed to age naturally". They are just as much commodities as female celebrities. Kenny Rogers stands out, with lifts and tucks and fat suction; Michael Jackson certainly fits here too. There's the ridiculous focus on popping abs as proof of manhood; the fake super white smiles, and dyed hair implants. It's the industry, though. Get away from it, out into some of those fly over zones, and people actually look like individual humans again.
Yes, you’re right of course, I wish she believed she only needs to look like who she is
I've had lip filler a few times, and am considering it again, after a hiatus of too many years, due to having to prioritize my spending. That's not the case now, but finding someone as skilled as my last tech (who moved outta state) is the daunting challenge.
But why would you want to do that to yourself. I really don't understand.
It's just personal preference. My lips are very thin these days, and have been for some years. It's not a big deal, I just look better when they're a bit fuller. I do it or me.
I think of doing it FOR myself hon… not “to” myself. Everything we do, including watching our weight, eating healthy, buying new lipstick or mascara, is what we do For Ourselves.
It’s okay if you can’t relate. There’s no law that says ya have to. :~)
This is totally fine and totally your choice too. But so glad you're waiting and going to somebody good. xx
And the lip filler/super full lips is not a nod to a European image.
But also the only one who can raise an eyebrow!
It's kind of interesting; I remember as a young girl in the '70s that the "ideal" was tall, thin, tan, blue-eyed and blonde - like Farrah Fawcett or Christie Brinkley. As a short, curvy, pale, freckly redhead I knew I would never attain that beauty. However, by the '90s I noticed that the standard of beauty had become much broader and more inclusive - the '90s supermodels were much more diverse in appearance, from Linda Evangelista to Kate Moss to Naomi Campbell to Karen Elson, although the body standards were still bizarrely unrealistic. But nowadays it seems like we are back to everyone wanting to look exactly the same, only this time it's not even a real person who is the ideal - it's an Instagram filter that is now the beauty standard.
At 46 I am feeling it too! I enjoyed the holidays with women my age and one 20+ years my senior with perfectly smooth and weirdly shiny foreheads ( why are they shiny) and realized I was the odd one out. How odd it must be for them to see a full and honest facial expression.
I feel this too. I’m 37 and have never had anything done but there’s so much pressure to “look young” and part of me just wants to age naturally and part of me would love to be told in a decade that I “look good for my age” 🙈🙄 but is that only achieved via these extreme measures? Thanks for sharing. 🫶🏻🤩
I feel the same - it's such a tough one to navigate but it's so hard when the people setting the standards of beauty have had so much done.
I’d love to see the rise of body positive influencers again AND real faces! People who are “brave” enough to have fine lines and even full blown wrinkles and not get work done. My Grammy has always been beautiful and even at 88 she gets told how young she looks for her age etc and she really does! She never did anything to her face her whole life and barely even used anything harsher than water on her face. 🤔🤷🏻♀️
Thanks, Wolfgang! I’ll have to try and find it. 🫶🏻
Yes. But again, the underlying standard is still "You look young" which is why we've gotten to this place. Because age is no longer respected or valued.
No, there’s no respect for old people in general, which is sad.
Faces can be appreciated at any stage as they age. Yes, young people are beautiful but we’ve all been in our 20s and crippled with insecurities. Young people don’t know how beautiful they are, sadly.
So many people in their 70s and 80s are still sharp, intelligent, and full of life. Yet I’ve heard people talk down to them as if they are toddlers sometimes! 🙈
These messages are everywhere aren't they. One part of my brain rails against them, and the other also really wants to be told I look younger than the number of years I have spent on the planet Aghhh!!!!!
I know, Johanna. 😭
It's madness. I think it helps me that I'm not on Istagram or TikTok.
Definitely!
YES!
🫶🏻
My Grandma is my example, too! I'm 53, and get told often that I look so much younger. There's a balance of wanting to be 'real', and wanting to look young. I do not plan to have any surgical help, so will have to keep channeling how beautiful my grandma was, with her soft, laughing face, the peach fuzz that made her cheeks soft, and her acceptance of an aging face and body.
A woman I'm acquainted with had a facelift and lip injections, and it is SO obvious...seeing her is a grim reminder to be content with my own individuality!
As an aside, I'm following the protocol to combat a double chin that another Substacker introduced to me: wearing a rubber nightguard to create space between my molars.
https://open.substack.com/pub/reviv/p/is-this-addressing-root-cause-or?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android&r=19352a
I'm in my mid-70's. Some mistake me for being in my mid-50's. Maybe it's my carriage, maybe it's attitude, maybe it's my healthy sense of Self that glows thru to the outside~ but I can tell ya one thing, I'm grateful to be emotionally and psychologically whole and in a good place with myself, and perhaps that's what keeps us somewhat youthful and vibrant, rather than a doctor's needle or knife.
I love that, Shari! I think some people do have such a vibrant spirit that they seem young. 🫶🏻
Thank you!!!
And based on your pic you also look young but I guess that’s the opposite point of this article! 🤣🙈😅
LOL… yes, you’re right. And the photo isn’t real current. :~)
I have recently had Botox for migraine and I was mostly just glad that I can still raise my eyebrows! Obviously a different thing as it's injected all round the head.
I do find myself comparing myself to these weird homogenous faces but luckily(?) I'm too poor to even consider any filler etc.
Oh yes! It can be used for all kinds of medical as well as aesthetic things. And that comparison is so natural when it's all around us. I do it too!
I first heard about botox when I worked in hospitals and a doctor was excitedly telling us about this new treatment for migraines, and then as an afterthought said that people were starting to inject it (botulism) into their faces to freeze them as an anti aging measure. How we laughed at such stupidity!
This is such a good, and depressing read. I am a journalist and broadcaster and will never have what are repulsively called "tweakments". But when I see myself on screen I am depressed because I look "old" compared to peers who have regular Botox. I am 59. I agree NOT having work is a feminist act. Well done and thank you.
Thanks Rosie. It's so hard and I feel like it becomes more and more normalised with each generation. And maybe that's ok, but I am scared for the future and what we'll end up looking like and feeling about our appearance.
I'm 60. I don't like looking 60, which I do, even though I'm also fit and capable. But I can't imagine getting to the point where I think it would be a normal thing for me to do, to have aesthetic surgery or injections. When you say "it becomes more normalised," that's a passive-voice construction: Who is normalizing it? Who can normalize it for a given person, such as you or me? It's not normal, and that's a fact. Surgery is risky and doesn't change a person's age. Nothing prevents aging except dying.
Completely agree! I’m 55 and won’t go near this stuff! I actually love myself the way I am. Even if others might not. I hope others love themselves the way they are too. None of this seems “normal “ to me regardless of how many people do it.
Interesting faces to me, are beautiful faces. I'm not alone in this view.
i work in film and tv (i’m an actor) and i understand what you mean exactly. but i do find that faces that show age on them are more compelling to watch. i hope to offer myself the same kindness.
Yes, not wanting to do anything, but quickly feeling like *I'm* the unnatural looking one among my peers for not tweaking my appearance. Feeling left behind but also not wanting to keep up. It's a weird middle ground.
Please don't feel "left behind". I think the ones losing their individuality are the ones who are strange and left behind for not being able to show their full range of emotions and expressions.
Gabby...
fight to maintain your individuality, cookie cutting one's self to remain in a peer group? Think about it.
All the world seems to remain at Sophomore Year High School mentality. We need to value OURSELVES over the 'group' they fade away anyhow.
I can relate
Yeah but early Botox just makes people look older sooner because their facial muscles atrophy. I saw this interesting study of twins where the twin who didn’t get Botox had more creases but her sisters face looked flat/less youthfully full. I preferred the face that had more line but also more shape, tbh.
While I was never on TV, I think the screens are a big part of this. Once meetings switched to zoom instead of in person and I spent several hours a day staring at myself in the little zoom box and comparing myself to other women in their little zoom boxes suddenly my pesky ‘11’ lines mushroomed into an obsession. I realized the vast majority of the professional women I knew were having botox, and so gave in and did it too. It honestly took no longer having to be on zoom meetings to find peace with my appearance.
I’m 58 and Dysport is my friend. I have horrible “11’s” between my eyes which make me look angry all of the time…I HATE waking up happy and looking angry! I’ve had this issue for over 25 years, and Botox and dysport have helped tame the angry beast. Otherwise, I’m w you 💯. My grandmother was the most beautiful woman I ever knew…and she aged gracefully and naturally. I hope to follow in her footsteps 💗. Helpful hint…she told me that as I age I should put on a few pounds, “it helps with the wrinkles 🤣.
Rosie, can I just say I think you look gorgeous. Your smile is infectious in your photo!
I can relate, I have a YouTube channel at 46, have always refused to put anything in my face, and honestly wonder if my channel will suffer for it. That being said I think you and I will have the last laugh 20 years from now when we look elegantly aged and the others may look ….odd.
Sadly not a new story :-(
Even before Lindsay, Christina, Ariana et al we had the Kardashian’s/Joyce Wildenstein/Leslie Ash. I do feel very sorry for women in the public eye, as I feel that 99.9% of them have made a extreme pact with the devil to preserve their youthful vanity exactly like The Picture of Dorian Gray.
It’s only the odd Judi Dench/Maggie Smith who bypass this pact unfortunately.
It’s when this pact is extreme and when it’s very young kids, outside of the public eye, who believe this level of extreme vanity is the norm that it’s an issue.
I like to think at my age, like so many “grown adults” that whilst we are mesmerised by these extreme transformations, we know that we would never consider this sort of extreme vanity pact. Plus in the middle of a cost of living crisis we don’t have the financial means also lol!
Ah how old are you if you don't mind me asking? I think as each generation comes along this becomes so much more normal - like buying a new face cream or something!
Don’t mind being asked - I’m 48 :-)
Old enough to remember when Madonna was a music icon, and I really wish she (as well as Mariah & Riri…..) put out more music. I certainly don’t mind whatever she wants to do with her face, but the lack of new music bothers me more lol.
And whilst it might seem more normal for this generation, we’ve always had celebs who’ve had extreme plastic surgery - I recall Cher talking about her plastic surgery decades ago.
I think it’s the “jump the shark” moment when it’s non-celebrities - especially young people under 30 - who think such extreme surgery is perfectly normal, that it’s a issue.
And let's not forget about the bizarre and cruel Adrenachrome horseshit celebs are engaging in. Anyone who can even imagine doing that harm to a child should face a firing squad, in my opinion.
Such a good article. It’s so true everything you said. Seems like we go a few steps forward and then several steps back. So many faces are losing their individual character and beauty. I’m not in the public eye and so can’t claim to understand the pressure- but when I see ordinary people - younger and younger changing their looks - it makes me incredibly sad.
Even everyone’s excessive makeup and hair seems to be getting more uniform.
So true! Even people's style seems to be becoming more and more homogenised. It's all part of the growth of social media and reality TV I think. x
I’m always confused why so many don’t appreciate being unique. But then again - I will always side on the side of doing what one pleases. Just because I don’t like looking like the next person doesn’t mean I am right.
This is brilliant Anita. The whole issue really vexes me and I’m never sure how to approach it or write about it because there’s a huge defensiveness around “having work done” and it being normalised. I feel quite strongly about the fact I want my face just to mature as a natural progression but often wonder whether I’m just being stubborn and not moving with the times.
Yeah I really struggle with this, esp in our industries. But I think for me I'd like to hold off until 45 and then i'll see how i'm doing and will check in on that pact. But I can't lie that I do look in the mirror and struggle a little with my changing face - in a way I wish I really didn't!
Oh my goodness! I think we need to embrace who we are and how we age naturally and see our own beauty. The Brits are way ahead of us with this. The stars of their "tv" shows and movies tend to have a wide range of ages and looks. They don't seem to be as stuck in some fantasy of what constitutes physical beauty. They seem to emphasize the inner person, not some immobile plastic doll.
Completely Ruth. I feel like I am walking on eggshells, even with my closest friends. I want to say 'sure, it's your choice and whatever makes you happy' but I don't believe it is. As this powerful article suggests, we must question where these 'ideals' and 'beauty standards' have come from.
What a wonderful article Anita….👏🏻 I’m 57 with zero work done and am becoming increasingly saddened when I see pictures of myself…I call it my ‘melty face’. Then I tell myself to STFU…..my friends and family love me for who I am, not who I was. I also smile at strangers (so I don’t look like miserable old melty face) and give thanks for being healthy and alive. I also keep reminding myself that cool clothes, good teeth and a great haircut will see me through….
Any changes we see in ourselves can be tough, but maybe you could switch melty face for something else? Like your wise face or something? Or try to focus on the stuff you enjoy like you said xx
It's definitely a challenge as we age (I'm 58, no scalpel, thanks) to adjust our self-image, self-talk, and self-worth. To reconcile what we see in the mirror with good light to what we 'see' in our minds. I'm so grateful to be here and healthy...yet can't make my peace with the bit of jowliness or wattle. Step by step I guess.
Just had a new passport photo taken at the age of 62…. It definitely has no filters and the melty face is real but hey,it’s me, so there you go. I believe that people should have total autonomy when it comes to their faces/bodies but don’t have the inclination to alter what nature gave me and continues to change as I get older.
I'm happy my life was always about what I did and not how I looked. I was successful because of my work and it brought others joy. A smile is pretty.
Such a good, informative and insightful piece. I’ve often wondered whether the mass uptake of injectables and ‘tweakments’ Will lead to the ‘naturally aged’ or ‘real features’ faces becoming a rare and therefore precious or coveted look in the future, OR if the opposite will happen, and ppl (women) who have any element of personality and aging to their faces will be seen as hideous and disfigured. Too soon to tell I guess
You're right - I think it's too soon to tell but it does seem like it might become our reality, which feels so so wild to imagine!
All of this Anita, such a good article, hard to stand fast against this homogenisation and also normalisation of all of these surgical interventions. I have had plastic surgery to reconstruct a breast after cancer and it was a huge positive intervention for my recovery and body confidence after cancer treatment, however I am so conflicted about the sliding scale of plastics interventions. Bravo for the thoughtful insights and bravery of this piece. 🙌🏽
Ah thanks so much Saloni! Plastic surgery can be amazing, but agree that it's become so normalised in a really extreme way, without thinking about the risks etc.
Many greats points in here re: the dilemma of whether aesthetic “tweakments” are an empowering choice for women, or patriarchy doing a number on us all. I particularly agree with the homogenising effect these treatments / surgeries create, where everyone begins to look the same. But I’ve had botox before, so I get it. It’s such a tough one, but I do believe this face-morphing phenomena is just as damaging as 90’s “size zero skinny culture”, no matter how we try to twist it.
It's so hard to know where to sit with it isnt it? It scares me that this is the future but also I can't lie that I struggle with looking older too :(
Great article and very timely as I have been wrestling with my own witnessing and judgement of this phenomenon. I will say that I more think trad-wife - Only Fans are more opposites on the modern feminist continuum..then both collateral of Far Right. Normalizing and celebrating sex work as feminist has always been predominantly a Left wing ideology. I also feel that this new beauty standard paradigm spans all of society to both ends of the spectrum and is more a class issue then a political one.
Interesting thoughts! The sex work stuff is very complicated - so many people do it out of desperation/are in danger and then some actively choose to do it, so it's hard to know where to stand with it all. xx
Wow this was a great article. I had lost track of you since your Stylist days, happy to have found you here.
Ah thanks Emily! Glad you found me - i'm also in instagram if you are, and post anything I do/write etc for magazines on there :)
There is also the fact that there are now generations who have never known life before the smartphone. These kids have been brought up with screens. They have grown up with mothers who have expressionless faces - have Botox, sure, but maybe not when your kid is a baby and learning emotions from your expression? Already the generation whose teenage years collided with the smartphone becoming commonplace has the highest level of anxiety of any generation before it. Increasingly, movies have CGI or feature videogame-like violence. Put all of this together and who knows what the outcome will be but I don’t think it’s going to end well.
It does feel like there needs to be an intervention of some kind - I just don't know if there will be! :(
This is reminding me of The Uglies series by: Scott Westerfield.
Scary how it's now basically real life.
Oh yes I've heard of this! I need to check it out properly!
Yes, please do! I think I read it middle/high school & it really helped me to not value myself based on my looks, or lack thereof.