Eek! I agree re BMI! It’s not accurate for all people. I’ve always “weighed more” than I “looked” like I weighed and have heavy bones and muscles so even at my thinnest I was still over 10 stone (around 155ish lbs) and a size 14/16 in the UK in a world that celebrates size 10/12 as the “biggest” you can be and even “fluffy” Bridget Jones in the book only weighed something ridiculously small like 130ish lbs. I’ve always hated people describing me as “voluptuous” because of the internalised societal fat phobia (that I’m still working on in therapy). I felt that if I wasn’t as thin as a Victoria’s Secret runway model, I wasn’t thin enough and realistically I will never have that 1% body type. In my grad school days, after every breakup I’d drop 20lbs because I’d be too sad to eat and have everyone tell me how “amazing” I looked so I get it. We should celebrate people having nourished bodies or maybe just focus on people as people, bodies aside. Your writing always resonates with me so thanks for sharing.
Ah thanks Elaine - and same. People have always said the same to me about my weight but I’m just not a ‘lean’ build and never will be! and yes Bridget jones - it’s such a moment in time that film, it shows how much pressure women were under then.
I have spent my entire life wishing I could be just 5-10 pounds thinner. Then 2 years ago I had a hypomanic episode followed by a deep depression and I lost 15 pounds in about 3 months without trying. My skin got horrible, my hair fell out, and people kept telling me how hot I looked and asking how I lost so much weight. I will never comment on someone's weight loss again. You have no idea what they're going through, whether it was intentional or not, or even arrived at in a healthy way. I will keep my comments to myself. As more argument for this, my husband once told someone he looked great and had lost so much weight and the guy said "I have cancer". So... yeah, peoples bodies are not fodder for your conversation. So glad I realized all this while my girls are young. It will be a constant consideration around how I talk about food, clothes, and bodies.
This is so true - nobody talks about the side effects of weight loss. My hair has thinned a lot, my skin is very dry. I look so exhausted and still ‘you look great’ - I don’t. I look thin! It’s so wild how much we conflate them. Has it stopped you being so hung up on those pounds you wanted to lose?
Well I’ve gained all 15 back and the best I can say is that now I wish I was just in the middle. My hope for myself is that one day whatever my body is, that’s what I’ll be happy with. But alas, growing up in the waif 90s leaves an inescapable mark. Hopefully having role models of all sizes will give my daughters a chance to avoid this.
This was so interesting and insightful Anita. As some that used to be fat, I've learned you can never, ever, use weight loss to solve problems that are not related to your weight. At your goal weight or not, you still have to live with yourself and deal with your problems. You will still have the same husband, the same job, the same kids, and the same life. Losing weight is not a cure for life.
My therapist says this sort of thing to me all the time! She knew someone who made herself ill in an effort to get thin and it didn’t feel the way she thought it would. It really is all about working on the underlying problems that aren’t to do with weight.
This is so true. When I was younger I thought everything would be better if I was thinner - my career, my live life, my happiness - but it’s just this myth we’re sold by capitalism to sell us diets :-(
Just the other day, I asked my therapist about what I should do when people comment on the fact that I've lost weight. I also have a painful history of disordered eating/exercise, and am wildly uncomfortable with and annoyed by the fact that people comment on other people's bodies.
I appreciate you shared these parts of your own experience with us. I'm sorry that this happens, and I wish you so much happiness and health.
She delivered the disappointing news that there wasn't necessarily a script for these situations. I think I'll say something along the lines of "Yeah, bodies change!"
Eek! I agree re BMI! It’s not accurate for all people. I’ve always “weighed more” than I “looked” like I weighed and have heavy bones and muscles so even at my thinnest I was still over 10 stone (around 155ish lbs) and a size 14/16 in the UK in a world that celebrates size 10/12 as the “biggest” you can be and even “fluffy” Bridget Jones in the book only weighed something ridiculously small like 130ish lbs. I’ve always hated people describing me as “voluptuous” because of the internalised societal fat phobia (that I’m still working on in therapy). I felt that if I wasn’t as thin as a Victoria’s Secret runway model, I wasn’t thin enough and realistically I will never have that 1% body type. In my grad school days, after every breakup I’d drop 20lbs because I’d be too sad to eat and have everyone tell me how “amazing” I looked so I get it. We should celebrate people having nourished bodies or maybe just focus on people as people, bodies aside. Your writing always resonates with me so thanks for sharing.
Ah thanks Elaine - and same. People have always said the same to me about my weight but I’m just not a ‘lean’ build and never will be! and yes Bridget jones - it’s such a moment in time that film, it shows how much pressure women were under then.
I have spent my entire life wishing I could be just 5-10 pounds thinner. Then 2 years ago I had a hypomanic episode followed by a deep depression and I lost 15 pounds in about 3 months without trying. My skin got horrible, my hair fell out, and people kept telling me how hot I looked and asking how I lost so much weight. I will never comment on someone's weight loss again. You have no idea what they're going through, whether it was intentional or not, or even arrived at in a healthy way. I will keep my comments to myself. As more argument for this, my husband once told someone he looked great and had lost so much weight and the guy said "I have cancer". So... yeah, peoples bodies are not fodder for your conversation. So glad I realized all this while my girls are young. It will be a constant consideration around how I talk about food, clothes, and bodies.
This is so true - nobody talks about the side effects of weight loss. My hair has thinned a lot, my skin is very dry. I look so exhausted and still ‘you look great’ - I don’t. I look thin! It’s so wild how much we conflate them. Has it stopped you being so hung up on those pounds you wanted to lose?
Well I’ve gained all 15 back and the best I can say is that now I wish I was just in the middle. My hope for myself is that one day whatever my body is, that’s what I’ll be happy with. But alas, growing up in the waif 90s leaves an inescapable mark. Hopefully having role models of all sizes will give my daughters a chance to avoid this.
This was so interesting and insightful Anita. As some that used to be fat, I've learned you can never, ever, use weight loss to solve problems that are not related to your weight. At your goal weight or not, you still have to live with yourself and deal with your problems. You will still have the same husband, the same job, the same kids, and the same life. Losing weight is not a cure for life.
My therapist says this sort of thing to me all the time! She knew someone who made herself ill in an effort to get thin and it didn’t feel the way she thought it would. It really is all about working on the underlying problems that aren’t to do with weight.
This is so true. When I was younger I thought everything would be better if I was thinner - my career, my live life, my happiness - but it’s just this myth we’re sold by capitalism to sell us diets :-(
Absolutely, I had the same mindset; it’s the human condition. Once you unlearn it, you can improve your situation and life for the better.
Just the other day, I asked my therapist about what I should do when people comment on the fact that I've lost weight. I also have a painful history of disordered eating/exercise, and am wildly uncomfortable with and annoyed by the fact that people comment on other people's bodies.
I appreciate you shared these parts of your own experience with us. I'm sorry that this happens, and I wish you so much happiness and health.
That’s so interesting - did they have any advice?
And thanks for your lovely words too! Back at you xx
She delivered the disappointing news that there wasn't necessarily a script for these situations. I think I'll say something along the lines of "Yeah, bodies change!"