I had my first born at 40, after 3 or so years of trying (emotional journey). Speaking to others, people would always casually mention that I should freeze my eggs. And i was always so you actually understand what that means? They don’t I suspect. Thanks for opening up about it. Women’s bodies and the depth of our experiences are too easily negated to simple procedures and solutions.
No I don’t think people do get how hard it is! But I do wish I’d known more and had done it earlier. The thing that stopped me and I suspect stops a lot of women is the shame, the failure of not having met somebody, hoping it will just work out and just such little information about our own bodies that doesn’t come from dogmatic male scientists telling us time is running out!
Definitely inspiring to know you had yours in your 40s though! ❤️
Most of the moms around me are late 30’s or early 40’s. And on my journey I’ve just realized how that number of 35 years and past your prime really is just a number. There certainly may be more potential challenges but it differs widely between individuals. There is also a lot of support potentially available to navigate questions and uncertainties that comes with the territory.
I find that any journey that circles motherhood will change who you are. Nothing about it is easy. All of it is life changing, self changing. And it’s important to create space to normalize all of it and support women in the unfolding of these experiences without making them traumatic.
Anita, you’ve laid yourself bare and the fragility of you is completely exposed. Brave to voice this and send into the public domain. There is too, a strength energy behind it, may be it’s the anger. Better to get that down and out because it damages us inside when we carry it. We alter our cell formation, hormone production and general receptivity by hosting anger, sadness, regret. So forward now, vital steps taken towards your future vision. Arms around you.❤️
Beautiful and honest. Thanks for sharing. I can hard relate to dating people who wasted my time and/or didn’t make space for me in their lives. I did finally meet a gem (when he was 37) and I love that he’s quirky and neurodivergent because he’s loyal, loving, and funny and makes life interesting. Sending well wishes and hope the second round goes to plan. 🥰🤞🏻
The right person is definitely worth the wait. 🥰 But also I think “big city” dating is tough because it gives men the sense that it’s a smorgasbord and there will be better options when they miss out on/discard so many amazing women who deserve better.
So much eggy love to you. You are amazing on so many levels. (By the by 1, I have a friend on this journey, it’s hell. By the by 2, I wish my mum didn’t read my substack!)
Having just started Adderall for my own neurodivergence at the age of seventy freaking six, I'd like to shout out to marrying within one's tribe! My husband is one of us, although distinctly ASD yang to my ADHD yin. Nothing to do with t he central theme, but definitely encouraging on the relationship front. Surely there's an app for those of us with all the tabs open?
Love this post and thank you. It is of such importance. Potentially over sharing but I hope helpful. My IVF baby arrived at 43 years. My neighbour’s (via egg donor ) arrived at 45years, followed by healthy twins at 47. All healthy and well. 5 boys under 5 years across two gardens 😳. Rooting for you and eggy love xx
Thank you for sharing your journey so far including the incredibly vulnerable additional thoughts this journey is stirring up for you. I’m single, 37 and about to start my own egg freezing journey and this is incredibly helpful to hear.
Thank you for sharing this Anita. It is something I am starting to think about (aged 28, very single, but very much career inclined), but something that can only come after I have mustered up the strength to find out whether years of amenorrhoea and not doing the right things for my body/health have done to everything down there
I am sending you thanks for your courage, and strength for the exhaustive processes and emotions you will be feeling along the way
Despite each journey being different for everyone, you are definitely not alone
It is so tough being a woman, I'm so sorry you're going through this. I was there too - but gave birth at 43 after 2 failed rounds of IVF and an ectopic pregnancy which needed to be aborted. Quite the traumatising journey - so I really feel what you are feeling. I get really angry at how casual men are able to be, when they don't have to worry about time being on their side. For women it can feel like a race, which is horrible. For what its worth, I often thought I should have 'settled' and just got the kid stuff done earlier. But I know that would have led to the wrong person parenting my child, and probably broken relationship with someone who I'd be tied to for the rest of my life. I mean it might have also been fine - we can never really know. All we can do is go with what we can handle at the time, and trust we are taking care of ourselves. It might even mean cutting a few people out for a while if it helps your mental health. I hope you have a network of support to help you through this time. Sending love x
I had my first born at 40, after 3 or so years of trying (emotional journey). Speaking to others, people would always casually mention that I should freeze my eggs. And i was always so you actually understand what that means? They don’t I suspect. Thanks for opening up about it. Women’s bodies and the depth of our experiences are too easily negated to simple procedures and solutions.
No I don’t think people do get how hard it is! But I do wish I’d known more and had done it earlier. The thing that stopped me and I suspect stops a lot of women is the shame, the failure of not having met somebody, hoping it will just work out and just such little information about our own bodies that doesn’t come from dogmatic male scientists telling us time is running out!
Definitely inspiring to know you had yours in your 40s though! ❤️
Most of the moms around me are late 30’s or early 40’s. And on my journey I’ve just realized how that number of 35 years and past your prime really is just a number. There certainly may be more potential challenges but it differs widely between individuals. There is also a lot of support potentially available to navigate questions and uncertainties that comes with the territory.
I find that any journey that circles motherhood will change who you are. Nothing about it is easy. All of it is life changing, self changing. And it’s important to create space to normalize all of it and support women in the unfolding of these experiences without making them traumatic.
Anita, you’ve laid yourself bare and the fragility of you is completely exposed. Brave to voice this and send into the public domain. There is too, a strength energy behind it, may be it’s the anger. Better to get that down and out because it damages us inside when we carry it. We alter our cell formation, hormone production and general receptivity by hosting anger, sadness, regret. So forward now, vital steps taken towards your future vision. Arms around you.❤️
You're so right! It's definitely felt good to voice it - and thanks for your lovely comment!
Beautiful and honest. Thanks for sharing. I can hard relate to dating people who wasted my time and/or didn’t make space for me in their lives. I did finally meet a gem (when he was 37) and I love that he’s quirky and neurodivergent because he’s loyal, loving, and funny and makes life interesting. Sending well wishes and hope the second round goes to plan. 🥰🤞🏻
Aww, that definitely gives me hope <3 Thanks love
The right person is definitely worth the wait. 🥰 But also I think “big city” dating is tough because it gives men the sense that it’s a smorgasbord and there will be better options when they miss out on/discard so many amazing women who deserve better.
Yeah that’s definitely an attitude they have for sure! Xx
So much eggy love to you. You are amazing on so many levels. (By the by 1, I have a friend on this journey, it’s hell. By the by 2, I wish my mum didn’t read my substack!)
Aw thank you friend, very kind! Luckily my mum has never read any of my work, my dad however haha xx
😂😩
Having just started Adderall for my own neurodivergence at the age of seventy freaking six, I'd like to shout out to marrying within one's tribe! My husband is one of us, although distinctly ASD yang to my ADHD yin. Nothing to do with t he central theme, but definitely encouraging on the relationship front. Surely there's an app for those of us with all the tabs open?
Love this post and thank you. It is of such importance. Potentially over sharing but I hope helpful. My IVF baby arrived at 43 years. My neighbour’s (via egg donor ) arrived at 45years, followed by healthy twins at 47. All healthy and well. 5 boys under 5 years across two gardens 😳. Rooting for you and eggy love xx
I also had my boy at 43 (also IVF) - I feel very excited to hear other women who've been there too!
All the eggy love to you too.
Thank you for sharing your journey so far including the incredibly vulnerable additional thoughts this journey is stirring up for you. I’m single, 37 and about to start my own egg freezing journey and this is incredibly helpful to hear.
Here with you in eggy solidarity X
Ah sending you lots of love! What stage are you in? Xx
Thank you for sharing this Anita. It is something I am starting to think about (aged 28, very single, but very much career inclined), but something that can only come after I have mustered up the strength to find out whether years of amenorrhoea and not doing the right things for my body/health have done to everything down there
I am sending you thanks for your courage, and strength for the exhaustive processes and emotions you will be feeling along the way
Despite each journey being different for everyone, you are definitely not alone
Hey lovely! So andrew huberman has a good podcast on it I’d recommend - but do it early as possible basically! Xx
It is so tough being a woman, I'm so sorry you're going through this. I was there too - but gave birth at 43 after 2 failed rounds of IVF and an ectopic pregnancy which needed to be aborted. Quite the traumatising journey - so I really feel what you are feeling. I get really angry at how casual men are able to be, when they don't have to worry about time being on their side. For women it can feel like a race, which is horrible. For what its worth, I often thought I should have 'settled' and just got the kid stuff done earlier. But I know that would have led to the wrong person parenting my child, and probably broken relationship with someone who I'd be tied to for the rest of my life. I mean it might have also been fine - we can never really know. All we can do is go with what we can handle at the time, and trust we are taking care of ourselves. It might even mean cutting a few people out for a while if it helps your mental health. I hope you have a network of support to help you through this time. Sending love x