I want to scream at the screen as I read this - because OMG I FEEL EVERY WORD!!!!!!!!! This article is AMAZING because it puts into words EXACTLY what it felt like growing up as a brown teen in the 90's. Madonna and Gwen Stefani wearing symbols of south asian culture for fashion - which felt weird because it was as though we were grateful for that representation, not understanding that it was appropriation - and THEN having white work colleagues assume that we would have to have arranged marriages and that our parents were all really strict.... the shitty conversations I had to have with clueless colleagues in the early 00's was unreal.
Thanks for this Anita - I love reading your work. Really appreciate YOU being visible.
Such a powerful piece of writing. I feel I have so much to say, but also nothing to say because I am very fortunate to have not had these experiences. The way you write is heart-breaking but uplifting in the same sentences. I've never related more to a picture than being all dressed up in a lift, holding a McDonalds and taking a selfie (my camera roll feels SEEN). Thank you so much for opening up the conversation on such a personal, and difficult subject - talking and sharing is the only way change will happen. Sending love! x
It might not be cute but it's all totally true! I was a chubby teenager in the 90s who loved indie as well as pop, and had no desire to go into a medical/legal/business career. But I was surrounded by all the 'perfect' Indian teen girls that my mum so desperately wanted me to be like, with zero representation of Indian girls like me (I CLUNG to Bend It Beckham when it came out as a lone example of another Indian outsider looking in at all the perfect girls).
To this day, I will always go with Converse over shiny heels, and I feel *ultra* uneasy in all Indian clothes. If that makes me a coconut, so be it - but at least I'm a comfortable coconut! I make a point of counting the number of brown faces on stage and in audiences at the gigs I go to - it's rising, but oh so slowly. I have hope for the younger generation who can see others like them wherever they look (and buy foundation in the right shade), but I too feel a little sad for the teen me who never got to see that. Thank you for putting words to my feelings!
Such a moving piece, Anita! Thank you so much for writing this and for being so real with us. You’ve really put into words the feelings so many of us have struggled with for so long (often in silence). I can very much relate to the feelings of grief of not having had the representation I wanted while younger, but also immensely grateful to see all of the changes that have been happening in recent years. ❤️
honestly, no - I'm so grateful to have grown up in the days of the Old Internet, wouldn't trade that for dewier skin and tiktok in a million years. But I do understand what you mean, growing up in the 90s-00s there was an implicit understanding that the hoops we had to jump as South Asians were higher and that certain creative fields were not worth the effort as they'd just treat the country and culture as 'inspiration' to be discarded when no longer buzzy. Too bad those were exactly the fields I was interested in....
I remember when I ran a small fashion blog and got an email from some very well-meaning, presumably non-Asian woman who thought it was a genuine compliment to tell me "you're Indian but you write about such universal things" like she was genuinely shocked a brown girl knew who Ann Demeulemeester was and wasn't into Bollywood and lehngas (on the other hand were the self-identified South Asians who accused me via email of being "self hating" for disliking Bollywood and not speaking Hindi...... never mind that Bollywood has its own form of North Indian upper caste Hindu supremacy going. Not that they'd have known it but I fit 0 parts of that description so didn't feel 'represented' by Bollywood any more than I did by Richard Curtis flicks, otoh when M.I.A. arrived on the scene it was huge for me to see a woman who looked like she could have been one of my cousins, wasn't wedded to the 'demure Bollywood angel' stereotype AND was going to be the star her talent and charisma deserved).
My fellow bloggers, to their credit, were never so lazy, and I was genuinely grateful to find a tiny handful of South Asians (one of whom I see in these comments!! Hi!!) among them who shared my love of indie style (now rebranded as 'indie sleaze') and music. That's an experience and kind of connection I'd never be able to have on ig or tiktok now because we were actually focused on each other's words/thoughts and not the outward appearance...weird to say about fashion bloggers, but it made a difference. But I'm glad for the kids now to have what they have, they deserve it and good on them!
Yes to this whole article as a fellow millennial South Indian 3rd culture kid. I also just read your piece on ADHD packing and as someone with recently diagnosed ADHD I felt so seen! New follower of your work!
I want to scream at the screen as I read this - because OMG I FEEL EVERY WORD!!!!!!!!! This article is AMAZING because it puts into words EXACTLY what it felt like growing up as a brown teen in the 90's. Madonna and Gwen Stefani wearing symbols of south asian culture for fashion - which felt weird because it was as though we were grateful for that representation, not understanding that it was appropriation - and THEN having white work colleagues assume that we would have to have arranged marriages and that our parents were all really strict.... the shitty conversations I had to have with clueless colleagues in the early 00's was unreal.
Thanks for this Anita - I love reading your work. Really appreciate YOU being visible.
Beautiful piece, Anita. I hope you have a wonderful Deepavali on Sunday.
Such a powerful piece of writing. I feel I have so much to say, but also nothing to say because I am very fortunate to have not had these experiences. The way you write is heart-breaking but uplifting in the same sentences. I've never related more to a picture than being all dressed up in a lift, holding a McDonalds and taking a selfie (my camera roll feels SEEN). Thank you so much for opening up the conversation on such a personal, and difficult subject - talking and sharing is the only way change will happen. Sending love! x
It might not be cute but it's all totally true! I was a chubby teenager in the 90s who loved indie as well as pop, and had no desire to go into a medical/legal/business career. But I was surrounded by all the 'perfect' Indian teen girls that my mum so desperately wanted me to be like, with zero representation of Indian girls like me (I CLUNG to Bend It Beckham when it came out as a lone example of another Indian outsider looking in at all the perfect girls).
To this day, I will always go with Converse over shiny heels, and I feel *ultra* uneasy in all Indian clothes. If that makes me a coconut, so be it - but at least I'm a comfortable coconut! I make a point of counting the number of brown faces on stage and in audiences at the gigs I go to - it's rising, but oh so slowly. I have hope for the younger generation who can see others like them wherever they look (and buy foundation in the right shade), but I too feel a little sad for the teen me who never got to see that. Thank you for putting words to my feelings!
Such a moving piece, Anita! Thank you so much for writing this and for being so real with us. You’ve really put into words the feelings so many of us have struggled with for so long (often in silence). I can very much relate to the feelings of grief of not having had the representation I wanted while younger, but also immensely grateful to see all of the changes that have been happening in recent years. ❤️
I felt all of this💜 Thank you for writing this piece!
Spot on.
honestly, no - I'm so grateful to have grown up in the days of the Old Internet, wouldn't trade that for dewier skin and tiktok in a million years. But I do understand what you mean, growing up in the 90s-00s there was an implicit understanding that the hoops we had to jump as South Asians were higher and that certain creative fields were not worth the effort as they'd just treat the country and culture as 'inspiration' to be discarded when no longer buzzy. Too bad those were exactly the fields I was interested in....
I remember when I ran a small fashion blog and got an email from some very well-meaning, presumably non-Asian woman who thought it was a genuine compliment to tell me "you're Indian but you write about such universal things" like she was genuinely shocked a brown girl knew who Ann Demeulemeester was and wasn't into Bollywood and lehngas (on the other hand were the self-identified South Asians who accused me via email of being "self hating" for disliking Bollywood and not speaking Hindi...... never mind that Bollywood has its own form of North Indian upper caste Hindu supremacy going. Not that they'd have known it but I fit 0 parts of that description so didn't feel 'represented' by Bollywood any more than I did by Richard Curtis flicks, otoh when M.I.A. arrived on the scene it was huge for me to see a woman who looked like she could have been one of my cousins, wasn't wedded to the 'demure Bollywood angel' stereotype AND was going to be the star her talent and charisma deserved).
My fellow bloggers, to their credit, were never so lazy, and I was genuinely grateful to find a tiny handful of South Asians (one of whom I see in these comments!! Hi!!) among them who shared my love of indie style (now rebranded as 'indie sleaze') and music. That's an experience and kind of connection I'd never be able to have on ig or tiktok now because we were actually focused on each other's words/thoughts and not the outward appearance...weird to say about fashion bloggers, but it made a difference. But I'm glad for the kids now to have what they have, they deserve it and good on them!
Yes to this whole article as a fellow millennial South Indian 3rd culture kid. I also just read your piece on ADHD packing and as someone with recently diagnosed ADHD I felt so seen! New follower of your work!